Is it morning? Why is she crying? No reason. She’s crying for no reason. It’s 6:30am and school is on a two hour delay. Will I get to sleep an extra hour?No. Mom life calls. Time to get up. Get up. Crap here comes the husband wondering why she’s crying. ” If you talk to her you will wake her up completely” I say. He does anyways. I’m up. I’m up. Craaap.
This is how my morning went. I woke up to my almost 2 year old crying next to me. She does this from time to time in the morning when she gets uncomfortable. Most mornings I reposition her and she goes back to sleep. Today that was a no go. So I got up. Flooded with the many, many things I need to do today. And I’ll just be honest. I was pissed off before my feet hit the floor. I was mad at the bed because I tossed and turned and couldn’t sleep. I was mad at my husband for being in the room and aggravating my toddler awake. Even though he was trying to help. I was mad that the dog chewed something else and left it in the floor for me to step on. Ugh. Just mad.
Back story, 14 years ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. For those of you that don’t know about BPD, the Mayo clinic defines it as “A mental disorder characterized by unstable moods, behavior and relationships.” Which if you know anything about the disorder. That’s a crap definition. Basically. I’m highs and lows ALL THE TIME. In the years since I was diagnosed I have learned to stop most of my “fits” and deal with most of my depression but there are still some days when it gets the better of me.
This morning, it has.
I have so much to do. But not so much that I can’t handle it. Yet my brain is saying give up. It’s over. Your day is done. As I sit and write this I find myself fighting to stay calm and poised. I know I don’t have the time for this. I need to “mom” up. I need to shake it off and get back to reality. Fight. Stand up get over it. You don’t have time to be mad over silly things out of your control. You are mad for … Wait.. what was I even mad about?
I don’t remember. Well don’t I feel stupid. I’m going to go drink some caffeine and put my daughter on the bus. Maybe my day isn’t lost after all.
😉 Hugs – kuddos and kiddos
photo credit: paulcapewell <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/13182127@N00/6800831557″>Morning light</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a>