Depression Tries But Doesn’t Conquer

Having children, is the greatest adventure I’ve ever been on. It’s hard work and it’s not always sun shiny, but it is the greatest most amazing thing I’ve ever been through. 

Despite that, some days I struggle. I struggle to get out of bed. I struggle to make breakfast and put my kiddo on the bus. Sometimes I want to go back to bed and wake up tomorrow. 

Depression has a hold of me. It’s an everyday battle. I don’t always have a bad day. Sometimes there is literally nothing going on that makes me feel this way. It just happens. It consumes me. It makes my brain go from “bad ass mom”, to “I don’t think I can do this”. It’s hard. 

I call everyone in my phone those days. Most of the time two or three will answer and we will have that ten minute conversation until I’m rambling about nothing. Then it’s on to their everyday lives. What they don’t know, is that sometimes it’s a literal cry for help. 

I need something to take my mind off the irrational fears and thoughts that make me spiral. I can’t depend on everyone to know what’s going on. So I pretend to talk about things that don’t really matter to stay straight. 

Being a parent is hard. Being a wife is hard. Hell, being a person in 2017 is hard. Sometimes I forget that. I think, there is something wrong with me. He to be right? No. I’m just a little different. Different is ok. Pull yourself up from the darkness and move forward. As long as I don’t let what’s different, become the thing that defines me. It won’t. I refuse to let it. 

I’m a good mom. I’m an ok-ish cook. I can sing. I’m a brilliant crafter. I give good advice. I am an excellent drinking buddy. I am more than darkness. 

 Stay positive. This is one bad day, not a bad life. 

-Kuddos and Kiddos 
photo credit: FootMassagez <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/141735806@N08/34006544382″>Woman Looking at Sea While Sitting on Beach – Credits to https://costculator.com/</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

“Mom” Clothes


So the other day I took my kids to a clothing store so I could buy some summer clothes. Let’s face it, as much as we moms try to stay wearing one size from year to year, it doesn’t usually pan out. This year I decided that I needed to take my kiddos with me on this little adventure. It was an impulse decision, that I later learned was a terrible one. Have you actually tried on clothes in a changing room with a six year old and a two year old? If you have, then I feel you girl!

So, I hate clothes shopping. I will​ buy all the clothes in the world for my kiddos and my husband, but if I have to go clothes shopping for me, I’d rather take a nap. After almost two years going by since the birth of my youngest, I realized that I didn’t have a single pair of shorts. So off to the store I went. 

I had an idea of what I wanted to buy. I also had an idea on my kiddos behavior. I figured that my 6 yr old would touch everything and my 2 yr old would run off. I had no idea what I was about to get myself into. 

So I start looking for shorts in the size jeans I wear. Well turns out that not all store sizes are the same, so I ended up wearing a size that was 4 times bigger than my jeans size. Gasp! I also tried to find a pair of shorts that I would be comfortable in. Turns out that’s hard to do. Being a mom of 4, I’m a little self conscious about my body these days. I’m 33, I’m getting older. Things don’t really stay in place like they should if you know what I mean. 

After shopping for about an hour I left with two pairs and most of my sanity intact. But, I realized something. 

When I was a little younger, I used to say things like ” I’ll never wear mom jeans” blah blah blah. Yea well now I know why moms wear “mom” Jeans. It hides the belly fat from having kids. It’s more comfy wearing pants that are fitting rather than wearing jeans a size smaller so your butt looks good. Yes that is a thing when you’re young. 

I also now know why moms wear yoga pants. Man do I LOVE my yoga pants. Moms love them because we are too freaking tired. I can’t speak for every mom, but if you come to my house in the morning there’s a good chance that I’m wearing the yoga pants that I wore to bed. Heck, I may even have them on at dinner if I’m feeling adventurous.

I know why moms wear leggings, instead of jeans. Because we chase tiny humans all day and unless you buy “mom” jeans, they are restricting and uncomfortable. I want to be able to super clean my house and have full range of motion. Even if I am getting old and everything hurts. I also want range of motion for when I tell my husband I have a headache. Getting comfortable enough to fall asleep with a fake headache is hard to do. 

So it looks like I’m in the “mom” clothes category. And I’m totally ok with that. Especially since I’ll probably never take two kids shopping for clothes again until they are teenagers. 

Hugs! -Kuddos and Kiddos
photo credit: Jonathan Rolande <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/110671496@N06/17284665296″>Children’s Nearly New Sale</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

Sit Down and Shut It Up: Parents Who Talk Bad About Parents. 

I don’t understand what the problem is. If our kiddos are clean, fed, and cared for that’s what matters right? So why do we keep putting other parents down for things? Why do we take it upon ourselves to be total judge mental tards? Yup that’s what I said, tards. Better than what I was thinking. 
I’m so tired of hearing about what this parent or that parent did or didn’t do. Most of the time, it’s from someone who IS a parent. Now I know darn well that you have been through tough parenting moments. Hence the word ‘parent’.

I know that you have been up every hour on the hour, comforting a sick child. I know that you have had a toddler who will only eat the jelly off their bread, instead of the whole dang sandwich like a normal person. Or have a child ask for a banana only to throw it in the floor. Or eat two bites of their food and ask for a snack. This list of food examples could get intense. I’ll end it here…

I know that you, a parent, of children, have had to physically hold down your child to get boogers out of their nose. You have turned your head for five seconds and your child has wrote on the wall… In their own poo. If that’s something that has only happened to me I’m disappointed. Seriously. 

I know that you have fought your kiddos for an hour to get them to go to bed at night. Listened to their whiney cries when they don’t get a nap. Fought with them over a candy bar at the grocery store. Let go of their hand in the parking lot to get your keys out of your purse, only to have a heart attack when they almost get hit by a car. Let go of your child at the zoo and freaked the hell out because he disappeared around the corner while you were looking at the penguins with the other kids. Come on those little buggers are adorable..

I know that you have put Band-Aids on imaginary boo boos.  Played tea party with a child who won’t let you look at her stuffed bear. I know that you have screamed at your child for nothing except that whatever you told them to do, they didn’t do, and probably didn’t need to be yelled at like that but OMG JUST LISTEN. I know that you have ate all the rest of the candy so the kids couldn’t. Guilty as charged. 

I know that you have tried teaching them how to use the potty, only to fail. Currently going on at my house. I know that you have dropped an entire gallon of milk on the floor, had to get in your vehicle and go to the store, at midnight, all while your child screams bloody murder in the back seat because they want milk. (True story)

I know that you have cleaned, repeatedly. Everyday. For hours. I know that the laundry is never done. The dishes are always dirty and the house is always messy. I know that you are EXHAUSTED. So why in the hell do I always hear things about “bad moms” or “terrible dads” from people who are parents?

If you SHOW UP day in and day out. If you try your very best to do every single thing in your power to ensure the healthy, positive growth of your children, even when you might make a mistake… Then shut the hell up. Yup. Shut it up. 

You have no right to judge another parent. 

1. Not your business. 

2. Not your business. 

3. You are literally going through or have gone through the same things that they are. 

4. Not your business. 

And if you DON’T show up. If you don’t TRY. If you aren’t there. Then you don’t have the right to judge a parent who does. So shut up. Sit down. Step aside. 

Because parents, real ones, we know what the day to day is about. We show up. We put our big, grown up britches on and we laugh at the mistakes and we learn from them. So stop putting all the other parents down. You have no idea what they might be going through. Or what toddler, pre-teen or teenager they have to hide from. 

If parenting was easy there would be a book. Being a parent, I know there isn’t a step by step guide book. Trust me I checked. 

-Kuddos and Kiddos

Don’t Lose your Identity in Parenting

I have spent most of my adult life taking care of tiny humans. Feeding them, bathing them, cleaning up random messes all over the place. I have worked myself to exhaustion. I have survived little to no sleep. I have screwed up all kinds of stuff. I’m almost always running late. From sun up, to sun down, I’m constantly cleaning. Always doing something for someone else. 

Just because we are parents doesn’t mean we should forget who we are as people. Quite often we lose our identity. We sacrifice so much for the people around us. 

In the fuss of being a parent, I sometimes forget to take care​ of myself. I’ve been slowly letting bits and pieces of myself go in order to take care of my tiny kiddos. It’s a problem a lot of parents face and it needs to stop. 

In order to be the best parents we can be to our kiddos we need to embrace ourselves more. Stop letting go of the very things that make us who we are. How can we nurture our children to be their own individual people, if we are not doing those things too?

Sometimes we get lost in the parenting. I feel myself become a bitter, angry person when I’m overwhelmed by the day to day mom life. I am constantly taking care of other people. Doing things for other people. I shop for other people, make food for other people, think for other people even. I clean up after other people. Not just my kids, but also my husband. Sometimes I’m tired. Sometimes I don’t want to do those things. Maybe I just want to do something else once in awhile. 

I love to sing. It’s a passion. There’s nothing better for a stress reliever than belting out a few songs at karaoke. But, once I became a mom, it became less and less. I also love to sew, but I don’t ever seem to have the time. I’m more concerned about getting the dishes done and the laundry washed. I literally have no time to do any of the things that make me, me. Hell, sometimes I’m lucky to get a shower. 

Problem isn’t that I can’t do it, it’s the guilt when I do. Why do I feel guilty? I shouldn’t. My kids are healthy and taken care of. My husband gets no less of a woman if I do something for myself once in awhile. I shouldn’t sacrifice my passions to be a parent. No one should. It’s a part of who you are. 

You need to take that long hot bath. Go out with the girls and have some fun. Go fishing with the guys. Go see a movie.  Sit on the front porch and soak in the beautiful evening sky. Don’t be afraid to take that five extra minutes for yourself. Your​ children will be fine. When they see that passion in your eyes, they will love you more for it. Don’t let your identity as a person be that your a “parent”. You are so much more than that. 

So don’t forget to be yourself. Make time for yourself. It’s the most important thing you can do for your child. 

Hugs! – Mama Kuddo

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The Beauty of Online Shopping when you’re a Mom

 Ok so, I love online shopping. Its a mom’s best friend. It’s probably my favorite way to shop for stuff, other than groceries. I’m not even sure what I did before online shopping. I mean, what the heck did my mom do? Did she seriously cart all five of us to the store for new curtains? Yes. She did. Insane, that woman. 

I love browsing clearance sales. I love that I can buy new sheets, or new dishes or my kids birthday presents from the couch. I also like that I can put all kinds of things in an online shopping cart and not buy a single thing if I want. Let’s just be honest here. I do that a lot.

I don’t really like going to places. I used to go everywhere. Then I had kids and I came up with every excuse to not have to. Its easier. I can cook dinner and shop. I can lay in bed at night and shop. I can drink wine and shop. Can you drink wine in the middle of a store with your kids and look for a new tablecloth? No. No you cant. If you can, I’m going to need you to tell me what store that is and what they sell. I have a TON of mom friends who will want to go there. 

I don’t want to stand in line and I don’t like people. I love MY people just not all people. You know what I’m talking about. There is no search button to find what I’m looking for. Sure, you can ask for help, IF you can even find someone. I don’t want to chase my kiddos around the store. I don’t want to fight with my kiddos about touching things. I don’t want to take those little buggers to a store where they sell glass, because oh my God no.

What I do love, is that nobody gets in my way. I’m not tripping over things. I don’t have to go all the way around an isle because people are taking up the whole thing. I don’t have to stop and put gas in my car, or drive all the way back when I forget something. 

There’s also the perks of getting it delivered. There is no loading children in car seats. I don’t have to stand in 20° weather and load up the truck. I don’t even have to worry about stuff falling off the cart in the middle of the parking lot, in the rain. Just click, click click, done. Over it. It’s on its way. 

How we ever got through motherhood without the internet, I’ll never know. 

Hugs! – Kuddos and Kiddos

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Things Moms can do, but really can’t.

I’ve mentioned before that being a mom is hard work. It is. It’s all amazing and horrible at the same time. There’s so many things that we can do, but really can’t do. If your thinking about having kids of your own, you should know that all of things I’m about to mention are a no go when you become a parent. 
For starters. Cookies. We can eat cookies anytime we want. Or can we? No. We can’t. We can, but we can’t. See if I want to eat cookies for breakfast, I’m a grown ass woman. I can totally dunk Oreos in milk at 8 am. But I can’t because my kiddos will want Oreos for breakfast too and then I’ll be a terrible person for telling them no. (The trick here is oatmeal cookies. That way if you have to indulge, at least you can say they are sort of, kind of, not really healthy.) 

Then there’s not wearing a jacket. If it’s “chilly” outside, I don’t have to be a wuss and wear a coat. I can suck it up and go about my day. But my kids can’t. So do I want to argue with them because I’m not wearing one and they have to? Nope. So guess what princess? You’re wearing a coat. 

How about leaving your crap everywhere? I get home and I want to set my stuff on the table inside the door. Can I leave my shoes in the middle of the living room? Sure. But no. Because then when I am nagging my kids to pick up their crap, it will only be because they are following my lead. Sucks doesn’t it?

Suppose your sick. I mean really sick. Too bad cupcake. Your mom. There’s no sick days here. Have you tried changing a dirty diaper when you have the urge to vomit every 20 minutes? Yuck. If you’re blessed enough to have a man who steps up and gives you that sick day that you desperately need, tie him up and put him in the closet and never let him leave. He’s a keeper. 

Oh, and those nice clothes you bought? Forget them looking nice for long. Everytime you pick up your tiny kiddo you become a talking, breathing towel. We are talking everything from snot to cupcake icing. So that $30 top you bought to wear to Easter dinner… Well you should have got the $10 one because you will probably never wear it again. 

Long, hot showers. Remember those? I remember being able to stand in the shower for 30 minutes if I wanted too. Now I have tiny human hands under the door waiting for me. Better master shaving those legs really fast without cutting yourself ladies…

Plans. What are those? You can’t make plans.. You got invited to girls night? Well Dad is sick and the babysitter cancelled. You have a birthday party to go to? Well tiny human number one has a fever… It happens almost everytime! Then when you do get a chance to get out, you will get some kind of phone call about them and will have to head back early. #momlife I think they call it.

Grocery shopping becomes a nightmare. If you take your kids to the grocery store you will end up buying a minimum of 3 extra items at least. There will be some kind of meltdown in aisle #4 and checking out will be a fight to see how many candy bars you can “say” you will buy and how many you actually get back on the shelf before they notice. It’s a good time. I’m lying. 

Then there’s staying up late. You can. You’re an adult. But, you’re going to be freaking tired when your kids get up at 6am demanding breakfast though. Or the 4am nightmare, the 2am feeding, the rolling out of the bed 10 minutes before your alarm. I’m sure you get it. 

There’s so many things we moms do for our kiddos. I love my kids. I love doing every single thing I do everyday​. But nobody tells you about the little stuff you will miss once you become a mother. Some moms are built tough for these kinds of things. I deal, but it doesn’t mean I like it. So before you have kids, make sure these are things your willing to deal with. Also you should understand that there’s about a million other “small things” that you “can do” but can’t. Not really. 

Hugs! – Kuddos and Kiddos

***I had a little help with this post. I got real life ideas from some of my awesome mom friends. You know who you are! Thank you!