Having children, is the greatest adventure I’ve ever been on. It’s hard work and it’s not always sun shiny, but it is the greatest most amazing thing I’ve ever been through.
Despite that, some days I struggle. I struggle to get out of bed. I struggle to make breakfast and put my kiddo on the bus. Sometimes I want to go back to bed and wake up tomorrow.
Depression has a hold of me. It’s an everyday battle. I don’t always have a bad day. Sometimes there is literally nothing going on that makes me feel this way. It just happens. It consumes me. It makes my brain go from “bad ass mom”, to “I don’t think I can do this”. It’s hard.
I call everyone in my phone those days. Most of the time two or three will answer and we will have that ten minute conversation until I’m rambling about nothing. Then it’s on to their everyday lives. What they don’t know, is that sometimes it’s a literal cry for help.
I need something to take my mind off the irrational fears and thoughts that make me spiral. I can’t depend on everyone to know what’s going on. So I pretend to talk about things that don’t really matter to stay straight.
Being a parent is hard. Being a wife is hard. Hell, being a person in 2017 is hard. Sometimes I forget that. I think, there is something wrong with me. He to be right? No. I’m just a little different. Different is ok. Pull yourself up from the darkness and move forward. As long as I don’t let what’s different, become the thing that defines me. It won’t. I refuse to let it.
I’m a good mom. I’m an ok-ish cook. I can sing. I’m a brilliant crafter. I give good advice. I am an excellent drinking buddy. I am more than darkness.
Stay positive. This is one bad day, not a bad life.
-Kuddos and Kiddos
photo credit: FootMassagez <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/141735806@N08/34006544382″>Woman Looking at Sea While Sitting on Beach – Credits to https://costculator.com/</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>