So I found out recently that I have a pinched nerve due to a herniated disc at my L4-L5 vertebrae. It’s painful. It’s getting in the way of day to day activities. Laundry, dishes, changing diapers even. I’ve been struggling to drive and to get around the house. It’s been going on now for about 2 months. My husband has been a blessing and so have my friends. They have been extremely helpful with my day to day mom stuff.
But I’m spiraling. I’ve been stuck in this house for almost three weeks now. I’ve missed out on family coming to town, my weekly grocery store getaways and taking my kiddos places that are fun. I cant take the kiddos to the pool, or school shopping. I’ve made up for those with arts and crafts, but I am so bored! I have cabin fever so bad.. I need adult conversation. Terribly.
I’m hoping that I can avoid surgery on my back. I got an epidural steriod injection in my back on Wednesday and I have my fingers crossed that it will fix it. But my doctor is saying surgery. Which is something I really don’t want to do. Mostly because of the burden it will put on my family. Having to find a sitter and someone to help with the day to day. The steriod has had a terrible effect on my hormones as well. So I’m basically a ball of crying chaos fun from sun up to sun down.
I called my best friend this morning and had a meltdown about haircuts. Yep, haircuts. Ridiculous I know. But my brain is in panic mode and I’m struggling to keep it in check.
I don’t want to ask anyone for help anymore. I want to be able to do it myself. I want to be able to do my job as a mother and wife. It’s not fair for me to ask other people to do my job. It makes me feel terrible. It has brought feelings of hopelessness in my life. Which as a mom with anxiety and a constant depression battle, that couldn’t be worse.
My back hurting has also been the reason I haven’t wrote a blog post in awhile. Which also bums me out. I really like sharing my quirky little mom life with you!
Hopefully this will be the start of a bunch of posts again! Hopefully I will be able to pull myself out of this funk and move forward.
-Kuddos and Kiddos